The Truf

While I complain (and whine) often about not getting "any" (any being defined as: ass, play, foreplay, sex, affection, necking, heavy petting, light petting, or touching of any kind), I must disclose something I've hid from even my closest friends.

This drought, this famine, this plague on my promiscuity, is actually planned as I decided to recover my virginity lost lo those many years ago as a fresh-faced 18-year-old in Steubenville, Ohio.

I want to experience it all again with fresh eyes. I want to be touched for the very first time, like a virgin some would say.

So I've covered my tracks my constant complaining and poor game. I mean, I'm surprised everyone believed it. C'mon, going out on Halloween and not even talking to girls, with my ex-girlfriend not 40 feet away. I'm a good actor, like the Dave Coulier of 327 Armitage.

But now at 26, I think it's time to lose my virginity (for the 15th time). So I'm out there ladies, ready and willing for some NSA (or SA) fun...

...Wait a sec, this isn't Craigslist.

Ah fuck.