Overheard...

...Funny things I've heard recently. Well, at least they're funny to me.

Rob's answering machine. Sunday morning. From his co-fantasy GM, the estimable Adam Epstein.

(A little back story, first. Epstein is completely insane, but in a good way. And he and Rob are the two biggest fantasy geeks I know. And I'm friends with a lot of geeks. They talk for hours at a time about their team, saying things like, "We're smarter than everyone in our league." Every injury is followed with Rob saying seriously, "This has major fantasy implications."

Epstein actually called me at 11 p.m. Saturday to find out where Rob was (not the first time he's done this either) and if I was near a computer. Rob was at a very close friend's bachelor party and was out of commission until Sunday afternoon.)

So back to the actual message, which is serious as a heart attack. Or a torn patellar tendon to a nickelback, in this case.

EPSTEIN: We’ve got like a thousand dollars at stake and this guy, gets crazy, goes to a bachelor party, apparently, and totally forgets about everything we’ve worked for the entire season. I mean this is unbelievable. This is fucking unbelievable.

We’ve got Seattle playing the Rams. We should probably not play Seattle this week and probably pick up another defense, and I don’t’ have anybody to make a decision with me. And there’s a Lot of stuff to talk about in a short period of time, and you’re fucking MIA. I mean that is unbelievable.

Click.

My apartment. Sunday night.
ROB: I'm going out with this girl. Show Lori her picture (from jdate).
LORI: She's cute. (Pause) Has she seen your picture yet?

Later Lori's talking to a friend, trying to set me up.
LORI: Is he a womanizer? No.
ROB: (to me, with killer Ray Romano-like timing) Only when he doesn't like girls.

Undisclosed location. A different friend's date. Monday evening.
(Back story. Every (Jewish) girl in Chicago is either a teacher, or in PR or Marketing. Or if they went to Arizona, in retail. I have the highest respect for teachers, because G-d knows I can't be "on" all day, but let's face it no one wants to hear about their stories all the time, especially if there's no sex involved.)
GIRL: Everyone wants to hear about my job, because everyone went to school. So they can relate.
FRIEND: (completely disinterested) Yeah, yeah...

Jay's on Erie. I just left with two girls to go to Coyote Ugly.
GIRL NAMED JEN: Yeah, that other girl loves Coyote Ugly.
JOHNNY: Why?
GNJ: Because she likes to dance on bars and throw her bra at people.

YAHOO! HEADLINE OF THE DAY: One person stabbed at Vibe Awards taping
Just one? Two people usually get stabbed just talking about The Source awards.